One of the universal recipes for happiness sounds like this: happy is the one who managed to find a balance between work and personal life. But is it really so?
In recent decades, a lot has been written on the topic of work-life balance. A lot of practical advice is given: how much time should work, and how much - family, communication with friends and hobbies take. It is important that everyone has a stable job and personal life, understandable to those around them. And then - according to the list: cultural trips, vacations in Europe, weekends outside the city, etc.
This "gentleman's set" is socially approved standards, being guided by which, in theory, we must realize ourselves in all guises. Otherwise, gaps will appear in the picture of life that there will be nothing to fill, or the canvas will turn out in one color - dull and boring.
It seems strange to us that someone can be happy without having what is "supposed" to be happy. And we ourselves begin to complex, if something is missing in our picture. In addition, our relatives, taking care of our well-being, constantly set the example of someone from our relatives or friends who managed to balance business and personal life.
But if we look around, we will find that there are a lot of happy people who do not fit into these elaborate work-life balance formulas - they have their own schemes, absolutely asymmetric.
There are people for whom happiness lies in work, in a business that they truly love. This is the area where so much personal is concentrated for them that everything else only weighs on them. From the outside, their "gentleman's set" looks meager: work, work and more work. No hobby, and family life, as a rule, hangs in the balance - at least so it seems to others.
Another category is those for whom the main thing is family. Personal fascinates them so much that everything else is no longer of interest: "I have children, parents, friends ... I don't think about work at all, I have enough work anyway!"
It turns out that some not only do not get tired of "standing on one leg", but also feel quite happy at the same time. But among those who follow the standards of work-life balance, there are many who feel neither happiness nor harmony.
Many do try to honestly balance and formally have what it takes to be happy. They pretend that life suits them, but at the same time they feel only chronic dissatisfaction and fatigue.
One would have to sit late at work - so I want to finally surrender to my favorite business. But you can't - the family is waiting for dinner, it's a tradition! And so he, the poor, trudges home to "be happy." And the other, on the contrary, would gladly devote herself to her family. But no: every morning, having thrown the children into kindergarten and school, she rushes to the office, on Saturdays - to fitness, because you need to keep yourself in good shape, and on Sundays - to the museum, to the theater, to friends or parents, because she is good girlfriend and daughter ... I just want to say: "Clever, a real modern woman!", but in fact - a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
First, we need to understand whether we are happy with the way we live.
For example, everyone praises me: "Well done, he lives a full life" - and I feel like an excellent student who envies the C grade: yes, they do not receive certificates for excellent studies, but they live freely and cheerfully. Or, on the contrary, my relatives persuade me to “fix” my life, and I agree: I start looking for another job, although in fact I like mine, and instead of changing the situation in the old place, I spend my energy looking for a new one.
Secondly, it is worth deciding what work-life balance is for us.
After all, the balance between business and personal life is not just the distribution of time between them. This is our internal balance, which cannot be expressed as a percentage. He is flexible and agile: today we are passionate about work, tomorrow our attention is switched to family, the day after tomorrow - to friends, etc. Our priorities change at different stages of life.
And, finally, thirdly, we must clearly understand what exactly needs to be done if we really want to change something in our life, and what price we will have to pay for this.
We are used to the fact that personal life is a relationship with the opposite sex: love, family, etc. In fact, "personal" life is the life of our PERSONALITY, it is everything that causes us emotions, feelings, movement of the soul. And for some, the source of emotions is the family, for others - their "business", for the third - creativity, for the fourth - travel.
The balance between business and personal life is actually a balance between our rationality and our emotions. People who are completely immersed in work feel quite harmonious, because they love it, in the process of work they not only receive money, but enter into certain relationships, experience emotions, give their emotions to others. And, on the contrary, it seems that a person is busy only with his family, but in all this there are so many goals, tasks, plans that this compensates for the lack of formal work.
Often, personal life and work are perceived as competitors, antagonists who need to be reconciled. But if we really live the life that we like, there can be no competition in principle. On the contrary, our emotions and rationality support each other and thus only increase our efficiency.
Therefore, if we do not fit into socially approved standards, but we feel quite happy, we just need to say to ourselves: "Everything suits me, this is my choice" - and defend our right to live as we consider the best and right for ourselves.